Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Something Smells Really Bad Around Here

Awhile back, the Juice promised a review of scented Play-Doh. Well today I’m here to finally make good. What took me so long? Well the truth is, gettin' a hold of the stuff. It just seemed like a slam dunk. I mean Play-Doh is everyfuckwhere right? Every store’s got the shit. I figured I’d pick it up right as I was ready to review it. I wanted to do a few other articles, then get back to the D’oh. I mean Doh. But then I couldn’t find it. Anywhere. I was beginning to think that maybe I was seein' things. That maybe the stuff didn’t actually exist.

Well, the Juice is here to tell ya that the stuff does exist. And I’m also here to tell ya all about it. Good luck findin' it for yourself, though. If I wasn’t so dedicated to you, I’d probably keep the stuff boxed up and sell it on ebay in a few years. I smell a collector’s item. Nuts to that, though. Your entertainment comes first!

So after all this time, after all this waitin', was it worth it? Will the stuff change the world? Will it make childhood complete again? In a nutshell, NO!

Let me just scream my disappointment to the world. Now I know now why I couldn’t find it anywhere. The shit stinks, literally and figuratively.

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the foul, smelly culprit

I was plenty excited about this whole thing. From the sweet score, to actually diggin' my fingers into those plastic cans. But after the first whiff, my fingers weren’t goin' anywhere near that funked up Play Doh. And believe you me, each can smelled progressively worse than the one before it. By the time I got to the 8th can, I was wishin' I was dead. I mean some of the stuff kinda smelled like what it was suppose to, but in a sick to your stomach sort of way. And some of the smells made absolutely no sense. Here’s what’s list on the box: Rose Garden, Pinemania, Shampoo, and the worst of smellin' of them all Shaving Cream. From here the “flavors” get a bit trippy. We’ve got Explorange (ok, I get it. Orange), Pinktastic (How the hell does Play Doh know what Pink smells like. And if that’s what Pink smells like, I hope to never smell again), Funshine Sunshine (apparently sunshine does have a smell. Who knew it was so bad) and Splurple (I don’t know. I don’t get it).

I took pics of each can, but I don’t know why. The cans aren’t even labeled by stink. Just by color. I think ya should know what you’re stinkin', right? Well, I’m not wastin' the space to show you each can. Believe you me, it ain’t worth it. So, in a nutshell, the Scented Play Doh stinks. And not in a good way, either. Do yourself a favor. DO NOT BUY THIS CRAP! Stink to the lovely scent of regular Play Doh. You’ll thank me for it.

Hopefully by next time I'll have this funk smell out of my nose.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Yes, More Star Wars Toys

Well, the Juice is finally gettin' to the end of it. The end of what? My reviewin' of Star Wars toys. I know it’s gettin' kinda long in the tooth. But, I promise I have only one more Star Wars post after this one. Now, don’t threaten me if I throw in some misc. review of a Star Wars thing every now and again. I’m just sayin' for the time bein' (cue the dramatic music) this is the end of Star Wars. And you know you’re gettin' to the end when you’re talkin' about misc stuff. The "toys" I’m presentin' today are just that, odds and ends. Things that the Juice thought were cool, whether the item was part of a line of not.

To start off with, we’ve got Darth Vader from the Force Battlers line. I’ll be honest with you, this figure was on the verge of being in the Disappointment in Plastic series. I think the main reason it isn’t is that I’ve already “trashed” the 3 3/4 inch line.

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Darth Vader looks cool in the packagin'. But once you get him open, you get that empty feelin' in the pit of you stomach. You know the one. God, I wished I hadn’t opened it. Generally, the figure is cool. Obviously meant for the younger crowd. But, that’s what I’m all about these days. My problem with Vader is his “action”. He’s got the “squeeze my legs, I swing at the waist” action. Any time I get a figure with this feature, it feels very fragile to me. Like his leg is going to pop off. And it usually does, cause I play hard with my toys!

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The Force Battler line has expanded recently. I saw a Clonetrooper and Mace Windu. Mace was ok. The clonetrooper was cool. I may pick him up, as well as, General Grevious from the initial assortment. No, I don't have any pics

Next up is Jedi Mickey. This guy is from the Star Wars weekends down at Disney/MGM Studios at Walt Disney World. No, I didn’t go. I bought this guy on ebay. If you’re into beanie babies or Star Wars or Disney, this guy is for you. He’s wicked cool! My only complaint is that Mickey’s lightsaber is a bit crooked. I guess they couldn’t jam a stick or something in there to keep it solid. Mickey should have looked into Viagra. He’s goin' for about $20 on ebay these days. But, don’t quote me on that. There also a Darth Mickey Beanie. Which sounds fairly cool, but it definitely didn’t look that way to me. Needless to say, I didn’t pick him up. I guess in my Jedi Mickey’s universe, the Sith have been handed there asses. That Jedi Mickey is a bad mamajama!

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Finally, I’ve got this tiny Wookie. I guess its suppose to be Chewbacca, with a really bad hair cut. It’s from Burger King’s Kid’s Meal. I didn’t embarrass myself and actually buy the kid’s meal. Even though I could’ve used any of my kids as a ploy. But, then I’d have to share the toy with him. So, I bought the toy outright. Burger King got smart and offered as part of their value meals the opportunity to buy two otherwise crappy Star Wars toys for some ridiculous price. I could’ve got an action figure at Wal-Mart for the price of these 2 toys, but Burger King hypnotized me. It’s probably somethin' in their delicious hamburgers. Anyway, the Wookie has no real value. And there isn’t much to him. He’s like an oversized marshmallow. But, he’s sooooo cute! I sleep with him every night!

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That’s all I’ve got for toys. Kinda lame, dontcha think? It seems like a poor excuse for a post. That’s the feelin' I’m gettin' from ya. And to be honest, it’s true. I’m a little behind in my picture takin'. What’s a post about toys without pictures of those toys? But, to make up for make lack of substance, I have a bit of news. Back in my Darth Tater post I mentioned that Hasbro was putting out a Spudtrooper Potato Head. Well, hold you hats, I’ve got pics:

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I believe that has them for pre-order. For like $11.99. That’s just crazy. How the heck can they expect you to create a garrison at those prices? I’ll take my chances at Wal-Mart. Who am I kiddin'? I’ve already placed an order for 8 of them!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Toys in Review: Oversized is...Overgreat?!?!

There’s somethin' wrong with the Juice. Ask the missus, she’ll clue ya in. My toy interest seems to be inverse to my age. It’s almost as if I’m regressin' (get it? hence the title of the blog...duh!). The older I get the more I’m interested in toys suited for younger children. I’m almost frightened by the fact that I’ll be playin' with Weebles soon.

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Case in point, the major toy companies have put out what the Juice is callin' an oversized line. I believe this trend started with Fisher Price’s Rescue Heroes. Although those figure are cool (and some of the accessories were downright playable), I never bought any. To me this was truly a “kid’s” toy. But, Toy Biz got into it a few years ago with Spiderman and Friends. Hasbro is now offerin' Star Wars figures in this size called Jedi Force. If Mattel would get off there duffs and offer a line of DC heroes in this size, man that would be truly sweet.

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To be honest with you, I’ve only bought one figure for myself. I swear to the Christ. Good old Vader. Okay, I bought two. I also bought Iceman. All of the other figures pictured below are Jethro's, though. The Juice ain't lyin', either! Sure, I admit I bought them cause I thought they were wicked cool. And if I were Jethro, I sure would want to play with them. But, I didn't buy them for myself. Now, I might have “hidden” a few of them from him because he has a tendency to destroy things, but it’s his figure nonetheless.

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i ain't opening him! so don't ask

To be honest, I’m not as crazy about the Jedi Force figures as I am the Spiderman and Friends line. Vader is wicked cool. But, the rest of the line seemed a bit weak. The initial offerin' was Vader, Chewie C3PO and R2, and Luke. They even came out with an X-wing fighter and Speeder Bike for the Jedi Force line. But, like I said, I wasn’t crazy about the rest of the line to buy anythin' more than Vader. Hasbro had expanded the Jedi Force figures recently. Addin' Anakin, Yoda, Mace and Han. The only figure I’ll be gettin' is Han. Sorry don’t have him yet. You'll be the first to know. If I were you, I'd hold my breath.

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With the Spiderman and Friends there are far too many figures in the line to mention. I can tell you that the line focuses mostly on Spiderman. Which makes the non-Spiderman figures that much better. My favorite of the Spidey figures is Robot Spiderman. When they come out with Spiderman Pimpin'(which I don't doubt, they've come out with every other version of Spidey), I'll be there.

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The other figure that I'm diggin' from the line is the Lizard. Like I said, the non Spidey figures really make the line. There’s Captain America, Wolverine, Cyclops, etc. And just like the “regular” action figure line, the villains are the coolest. There’s Dr. Ock, Rhino and Lizard. And also just like the “regular” action figure line, the villains are short packed, and under stated. But there’s always hope. They’ve got a cool Iron Man figure coming out in the fall. Yes, I am aware that Iron Man isn't a villan, but in my imaginary world he could be. He could be...

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School's In!

Up next: The Weebles are comin'. The Weebles are comin'.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Best Cartoon You're Not Watchin'

Have you had enough of Spongebob yet? You’ve probably seen Fairly Odd Parents 50 zillion times . Don’t even tell me you watch All Grown Up. And you’ve probably at least heard of Teen Titans. But the funniest, most entertaining cartoon that you’re not watchin' is Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends.

the crew

So, what makes the show so great? Well, for one, the characters. They’re as bizarre and eccentric as they come. Most of the shows revolve around the two main characters Mac, the boy, and his imaginary friend, Blooregard “Bloo” Q. Kazoo. There’s also a great supporting cast. There’s Wilt, the long red lanky thing who’s namesake scored more woman than points in basketball. There’s Eduardo, the friendly, some-what neurotic Spanish accented monster, who refers to Bloo as Azul (I love that). Then there’s Coco. She's the Wookie of the group. She’s always saying coco, but everyone seems to understand what the fuck she's sayin'. Roundin' out the supportin' cast is Madame Foster herself, the owner of Foster’s. Mr.Herriman, who runs the house (and is also Madame Foster’s imaginary childhood friend), and finally, there’s Francis “Frankie” Foster. Madame Foster’s granddaughter, and caretaker of Foster’s Home.

The animation is pseudo-50's style. It's animated in Macromedia’s Flash, but has the classic hand animation look. The openin' tune is carnival-esque, with a feelin' straight out of vaudeville. I’m tellin' ya, one viewin' and you’ll be hook like the large mouth bass you are. However, I don’t offer a money back guarantee.

The basis of the show revolves around the origin story (obviously). Without givin' the store away, here’s they synopsis: Because Mac and Bloo are perceived as a nuisance to Mac’s mom (and the hard sellin' of that fact by Mac’s funnily stupid older brother) Mac is forced to give up Bloo. Mac brings Bloo to Foster’s to live and visit. House rules state, though, that once an imaginary friend is given up, someone else can adopt them. However, Mac proves himself to Madame Foster and Mr. Herriman. Bloo becomes a permanent member of Fosters that Mac can visit at any time. And they have many wacky adventures together.

There are so many memorable lines and references in the show, it’s impossible to share them all. Most have visual cues that the Juice can’t do justice. However, there are a few that I have to relate. One of my favorites is an exchange between Wilt and Coco. In this particular episode, Bloo catches a cold and loses his color. The house, meanwhile, is amped up from watching horror movies. Wilt, Eduardo and Coco think that Bloo is a ghost. They fearfully chase around the house trying to catch the “ghost”. At one point, Wilt says to Coco (I’m paraphrasin' here) “Who you gonna call?” Coco replies “coco” (as she always does). Wilt replies “they’ve been out of business for years.” Get it? They’re talkin' about Ghostbusters. Don't be so dang stupid!

Another recent show had Bloo concerned with Mac's "nerdiness". So much so he had Mac dress in classic 80's style. Mohawk and all. All the kids laughed at Mac for it. Then there was the show when Bloo and Mac were tapin' video for an ad for Foster’s. They record Mr. Herriman doin' a little dance for Madame Foster. Bloo ends up leakin' it out on the internet. Instantly people are wearin' bunny merchandise, doing the dance, etc.

One of my favorite episodes is the one when Berry, comes to live at Foster’s. She falls in love with Bloo, and is insanely jealous of Mac. And Bloo is so clueless (or is he?), that he calls Berry every name but her own. It’s awesome.

So, that’s the cartoon I know you’re not watchin'. But do me, and yourself a favor. Check it out. The Juice don’t do it justice. It’s on Cartoon Network. New episode are usually on Friday night. However check your local listin's for complete time coverage.

I’ve got an honorable mention to the cartoon you’re not watchin'. It’s The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. This show seriously unsettles me. I don’t know if it disturbs me or makes me laugh more. However, when it does disturb me, the Juice gets a sick feelin' to my stomach. Don’t believe? Watch a few episodes. You’ll see. But don’t just watch a part of one and turn it off. Watch a few episodes. You’ll find yourself strangely laughin' at it. Try it. Everyone else is…

Monday, June 13, 2005

You want sour cream or butter with that Potato?

All across Walt Disney World (actually in one location at all the major parks and at Downtown Disney) they’ve got these Make Your Own Magic Mr. Potato Head bars. They also have a My Little Pony bar at Downtown Disney. If you ask anyone above the age of 4 (and male) they’ll tell you that My Little Pony is BOR-RING. But they’re there nonetheless. In any case, these Make Your Own Magic Mr. Potato Head bars are wicked cool! It’s a huge display filled with all sorts of Mr. Potato Head parts. Most are Walt Disney World exclusives! Some of the parts include: Mickey ear glasses, Mickey ear hat, Sorcerer Mickey Hat, Mickey Ice Cream Bar, Mickey Feet, Sandaled feet, Disney name tag, Disney pass, Minnie Ears, Mickey ear balloon, and so on…

What ya do is grab one of the Make Your Own Magic boxes and start fillin' that sucker up. It kinda reminds me of all the dreams I had as a kid of winnin' that mythical prize of 5 minutes in the toy store. You know the one, where you get the toy store to yourself. You take your cart and fill it up with all the toys you can. I always had a few different strategies. But mostly, it went like this: I would head first for the action figure aisle and load up. Then head to the video games (remember this is back in the 80’s when video games weren’t nearly as cool as they are today.) Then head to the bikes. I might, might have picked somethin' up for my sister and brother. But, who am I fuckin' here? Ever have that fantasy? Pax TV even made a show about it called Supermarket Sweep. What a great show…in a really pathetic sort of way. You do all this work for like $500 dollars worth of groceries. But, I digress…

In all your excitement of fillin' your box, don’t be fooled. You don’t have to get the Potato Head. If you’re not an instant gratificator, the trick is NOT to buy the Potato Head. Just fill the box up with parts. You can get a Mr. Potato Head at your local TRU for $5 when you get home. There’s also a side perk to buyin' your Potato Head at home. You don’t have to waste all that precious space in your Make Your Own Magic box on the standard Potato Head parts, either (like the eyes, ears, and arms). You can fill that box with all the exclusive stuff. But, in case you have to get a Potato Head (like the Juice) I still have a few hints to maximize your partage. Load the fucker's ass up with parts (you know the Juice has plenty of loadin' ass comments, but it's best just to let it lie). Just load him up like Ms. Potato Head did to Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story 2. Load him up ‘til he pukes parts. The other tip is that the box doesn’t have to be sealed totally. Only one flap has to be fastened. Nice!!!

At the bars, they also sell “mini” Potato Heads. The Juice didn’t get too far with the minis, but I think all the regular Potato Head parts fit on them as well. The shops also sell extra parts that you have to buy separately. These parts won’t fit into your box. Like a Disney World rain poncho. And a Dumbo base for the Potato Head to sit on. Plus, elsewhere in the parks, certain shops sell little kits for your Potato Head. They’ve got a pirate and a cowboy kit. And a surfer and beach dude kit.

Ya better get all the parts ya want, 'cause Disney won't sell them individually. Oh, the Juice tried. I begged and pleaded like a red headed step child. But those Disney folks can't be persuaded. What ever happened to the customer is always right? I guess when it comes to Tato head parts, Disney is borrowin' a line from the Juice. "Go fuck yourself." And don't even think about ebay. Sure you can buy the parts you want. You'll also be payin' almost the same price for the whole set at Disney. So, do yourself a favor, get 2 boxes. You want regret it. And if you do regret it, tough shit.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbin'

One of the funnest dang toys to come around in a long time has been put out by Hasbro Toys. From the Mr. Potato Head line, I present to you...The Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Tater.

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"kneel before Zod...sorry wrong movie"

The Juice didn’t realize how big a fan I was of the Mr. Potato Head until after I opened Darth Tater and started playin' with him. All of the sudden, I got flashbacks to my childhood. Not the usual horrifyin' flashbacks I usually suffer from. No, this one was different. The Juice was suddenly transported back in time 25 years, playin' with my Mr. Potato Head at grandma’s house. Makin' all sorts of Dali inspired art. Even though I didn’t know how the fuck Dali. Shit, I still don't know who the hell he is. The Juice always hated art history.

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"I'm here to put you BACK on schedule"

The whole concept is fairly fuckin' clever. It's about time Hasbro did somethin' new. Tater comes with the removable Vader helmet, mask, cape, arms, (with undetachable lightsaber. What the fucks that all about? They couldn't make that lightsaber seperate from the hand? Bastards!!!) and boots. He also packed with a few Potato Head standards. Eyes, ears, red nose and teeth. The packagin' is cool. Nice little plastic box with Tater posed in Sith Lord fashion. He's just about beggin' ya to open him and use your “Force” powers to create the craziest Sith lord ever! Maybe he's usin' that Jedi mind trick to make you open the box. So he can go and fuck all your Barbies. And don't even try to deny that you don't have a few of those "collectible" Barbie dolls.

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All together now..."Devalued"

Darth Tater definitely is tough to get. The Juice scored mine at a local TRU months ago. I haven’t seen one at retail since. Which don't make me real happy, because as you can tell, I’ve opened this one. I’d like to get a hold of two more. Why? Am I retarded (my apologies to my handicapped readers)? It's bad enough I partake in this stupid hobby. I gotta buy several? Is that what you're askin' yourself? Well, my answer is two fold. First, go fuck yourself. And two, ya gotta have one unopened (to sell on ebay in a few years. yea...the Juice is gonna retire on this one) and one for the kids. 'Cause if the kids sense a new toy in the house, they want it. And they will mind fuck ya, til you give in.

From what the Juice has read, Hasbro is comin' out with a “SpudTrooper” Mr. Potato Head in November. News like this gives me a bone and pisses me off simultaneously. It’s cool to know that it’s comin' out. But, 6 months from now? Uggghhh. I can’t wait that long. I need my gratifications taken care of now! How the fuck am I gonna make it through the summer and fall months? What if I’m taken out in a freak macaroni salad incident? Then I’ll never know the joy of the Spudtrooper. Or the greater joy of several spudtroopers. Anyway…I’m hopin' the Hasbro has stuffed planned beyond the Trooper. When I find out more, I’ll let you know…eventually.

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Even the Dark Lord must crap

I'll be continuin' my Potato Head theme with my next post. The Juice will be talkin' about the Potato Head bars at Disney World and all the wicked cool parts there. I know. I know. I probably should post it over in my Tales from the Vacation series, but I just don't feel like it. Is that ok with you?

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Disappointments in Plastic: Power Punch Batman

I'm startin'a new series called, Disappointments in Plastic series. It seems that everyone and there father's dead uncle these days is reviewin' everything. That goes for toys, also. So, what makes my opinion any different than anyone else’s? What makes me more qualified to review a toy than Joe McToyreviewer? Two words: I'm the Juice. And for whatever reason peeps care about what the Juice has to say.

The Juice digs toys. Don't know why, don't care. Some dudes like cars, some like beer. Me? Nothin' like toys. It probably goes back to my childhood, I suppose. With my sister gettin' all the toys and me gettin' low cost attaboys.

In any case, I’ve decided to kick things off with a new toy. From the movie Batman Begins, we’ve got Power Punch Batman action figure. I can tell you can barely contain your excitement.

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I gotta tell ya, I’m a bit tired of all these movie-type action figures. They're borin' and unfun. If you compare this figure to any of the figures from any of the cartoon lines, there's just somethin' better about the cartoon figures. The Juice is a many thing, but a shrink he ain't. I'll leave all that figurin'to the geniuses.

Anyway, gettin' back to this figure, basically it sucks. The packagin' is ok, a bit underwhelmin' if you ask me. Nothin' that I haven't seen on any other movie action figure card, really. On the back of the card they’ve got a bit of the story goin' on, which is a nice touch. The thing is, they’ve got it in multiple languages. What's the deal with that? Everything today's got to be printed in mutliple languages. Aye carumba, it's so annoyin'

They've also got on the back of the card pictures of the other figures in the line. The Juice is a big fan of that. Big fan. It’s almost a little spoiler info, if you will. And you will. Back in the day, I used to love when Kenner had pictures of the rest of the line on back of the old Star Wars figure cards. I bet if I knew how to back then, I would've cranked one off on them. Nothin' better than seein' the other figures and goin' "I want that one and that one and that one." The only thing better was actually gettin' the dang figures. Which, of course, never happened.

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The figure itself is the suckiest part. I’ve always been a fan of the “battle-damaged” look to the action figure. Adds to the "play value", if you ask me. You’ve got your regular Batman figure, then after a beatin' from the old Darth Vader figure, you’ve got this cool battle damaged Batman to show exactly how his ass was whooped. The “battle-damaged” effects on this figure suck. Too "exact" if you get my meanin'. Not haphazard enough. Almost as if they were done by Imperial troopers. You were made to think they were done by Sandpeople. But...uhhh. Never mind.

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There are 3 things that are seriously annoyin' about the figure. I could live with the not so haphazard battle damage. But, I just can’t get beyond the mask, the belt and the boots. What’s with the mask? It doesn’t show enough of Christian Bale’s jaw line (in real life or in action figure form). Look at the figure. It’s ri goddamn diculous. He looks like he’s ready to give someone a kiss. Probably Robin. And is he wearin' lipstick? The utility belt is too big and the boots look like something out of Wrestlemania. I seem to remember the Rock wearing something similar to those boots a few years ago. When he was wrestling, that is.

Yea...uhhh. That's it. I got nothin' else to say. Other than if you're thinkin' about gettin' this figure, or any from the Batman Begins line, then save your money. Or go buy a few of the figures from The Batman cartoon line. Or better yet, send the money to me

In the meantime, I’ll be playin' with myself. With my toys…