Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbin'

One of the funnest dang toys to come around in a long time has been put out by Hasbro Toys. From the Mr. Potato Head line, I present to you...The Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Tater.

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"kneel before Zod...sorry wrong movie"

The Juice didn’t realize how big a fan I was of the Mr. Potato Head until after I opened Darth Tater and started playin' with him. All of the sudden, I got flashbacks to my childhood. Not the usual horrifyin' flashbacks I usually suffer from. No, this one was different. The Juice was suddenly transported back in time 25 years, playin' with my Mr. Potato Head at grandma’s house. Makin' all sorts of Dali inspired art. Even though I didn’t know how the fuck Dali. Shit, I still don't know who the hell he is. The Juice always hated art history.

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"I'm here to put you BACK on schedule"

The whole concept is fairly fuckin' clever. It's about time Hasbro did somethin' new. Tater comes with the removable Vader helmet, mask, cape, arms, (with undetachable lightsaber. What the fucks that all about? They couldn't make that lightsaber seperate from the hand? Bastards!!!) and boots. He also packed with a few Potato Head standards. Eyes, ears, red nose and teeth. The packagin' is cool. Nice little plastic box with Tater posed in Sith Lord fashion. He's just about beggin' ya to open him and use your “Force” powers to create the craziest Sith lord ever! Maybe he's usin' that Jedi mind trick to make you open the box. So he can go and fuck all your Barbies. And don't even try to deny that you don't have a few of those "collectible" Barbie dolls.

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All together now..."Devalued"

Darth Tater definitely is tough to get. The Juice scored mine at a local TRU months ago. I haven’t seen one at retail since. Which don't make me real happy, because as you can tell, I’ve opened this one. I’d like to get a hold of two more. Why? Am I retarded (my apologies to my handicapped readers)? It's bad enough I partake in this stupid hobby. I gotta buy several? Is that what you're askin' yourself? Well, my answer is two fold. First, go fuck yourself. And two, ya gotta have one unopened (to sell on ebay in a few years. yea...the Juice is gonna retire on this one) and one for the kids. 'Cause if the kids sense a new toy in the house, they want it. And they will mind fuck ya, til you give in.

From what the Juice has read, Hasbro is comin' out with a “SpudTrooper” Mr. Potato Head in November. News like this gives me a bone and pisses me off simultaneously. It’s cool to know that it’s comin' out. But, 6 months from now? Uggghhh. I can’t wait that long. I need my gratifications taken care of now! How the fuck am I gonna make it through the summer and fall months? What if I’m taken out in a freak macaroni salad incident? Then I’ll never know the joy of the Spudtrooper. Or the greater joy of several spudtroopers. Anyway…I’m hopin' the Hasbro has stuffed planned beyond the Trooper. When I find out more, I’ll let you know…eventually.

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Even the Dark Lord must crap

I'll be continuin' my Potato Head theme with my next post. The Juice will be talkin' about the Potato Head bars at Disney World and all the wicked cool parts there. I know. I know. I probably should post it over in my Tales from the Vacation series, but I just don't feel like it. Is that ok with you?