Sunday, May 29, 2005

Disappointments in Plastic: Power Punch Batman

I'm startin'a new series called, Disappointments in Plastic series. It seems that everyone and there father's dead uncle these days is reviewin' everything. That goes for toys, also. So, what makes my opinion any different than anyone else’s? What makes me more qualified to review a toy than Joe McToyreviewer? Two words: I'm the Juice. And for whatever reason peeps care about what the Juice has to say.

The Juice digs toys. Don't know why, don't care. Some dudes like cars, some like beer. Me? Nothin' like toys. It probably goes back to my childhood, I suppose. With my sister gettin' all the toys and me gettin' low cost attaboys.

In any case, I’ve decided to kick things off with a new toy. From the movie Batman Begins, we’ve got Power Punch Batman action figure. I can tell you can barely contain your excitement.

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I gotta tell ya, I’m a bit tired of all these movie-type action figures. They're borin' and unfun. If you compare this figure to any of the figures from any of the cartoon lines, there's just somethin' better about the cartoon figures. The Juice is a many thing, but a shrink he ain't. I'll leave all that figurin'to the geniuses.

Anyway, gettin' back to this figure, basically it sucks. The packagin' is ok, a bit underwhelmin' if you ask me. Nothin' that I haven't seen on any other movie action figure card, really. On the back of the card they’ve got a bit of the story goin' on, which is a nice touch. The thing is, they’ve got it in multiple languages. What's the deal with that? Everything today's got to be printed in mutliple languages. Aye carumba, it's so annoyin'

They've also got on the back of the card pictures of the other figures in the line. The Juice is a big fan of that. Big fan. It’s almost a little spoiler info, if you will. And you will. Back in the day, I used to love when Kenner had pictures of the rest of the line on back of the old Star Wars figure cards. I bet if I knew how to back then, I would've cranked one off on them. Nothin' better than seein' the other figures and goin' "I want that one and that one and that one." The only thing better was actually gettin' the dang figures. Which, of course, never happened.

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The figure itself is the suckiest part. I’ve always been a fan of the “battle-damaged” look to the action figure. Adds to the "play value", if you ask me. You’ve got your regular Batman figure, then after a beatin' from the old Darth Vader figure, you’ve got this cool battle damaged Batman to show exactly how his ass was whooped. The “battle-damaged” effects on this figure suck. Too "exact" if you get my meanin'. Not haphazard enough. Almost as if they were done by Imperial troopers. You were made to think they were done by Sandpeople. But...uhhh. Never mind.

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There are 3 things that are seriously annoyin' about the figure. I could live with the not so haphazard battle damage. But, I just can’t get beyond the mask, the belt and the boots. What’s with the mask? It doesn’t show enough of Christian Bale’s jaw line (in real life or in action figure form). Look at the figure. It’s ri goddamn diculous. He looks like he’s ready to give someone a kiss. Probably Robin. And is he wearin' lipstick? The utility belt is too big and the boots look like something out of Wrestlemania. I seem to remember the Rock wearing something similar to those boots a few years ago. When he was wrestling, that is.

Yea...uhhh. That's it. I got nothin' else to say. Other than if you're thinkin' about gettin' this figure, or any from the Batman Begins line, then save your money. Or go buy a few of the figures from The Batman cartoon line. Or better yet, send the money to me

In the meantime, I’ll be playin' with myself. With my toys…

Friday, May 20, 2005

The active ingredient is REAL PINE OIL!!!

"A clean you can smell." Pine Sol
by the Juice

So over Christmas, Target stores was sellin' an exclusive Play-Doh playset. It came with the normal set of Play-Doh shit (Molds, some tools, etc). I wish I had taken a pic of the set. But, the dang Play-Doh vultures at the Brockman trailer have long since digested what was left of the playset.

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What so great about this set was that it came with a can of Play-Doh. I know, I know. It makes sense that if it's a Play-Doh set, it should come with some Play-Doh. It don't take a genius to figure that out. But, this ain't no ordinary can of Play-Doh! It's pine scented! Nice! Now, I did have my misgivin's initially. One of the greatest things about Play-Doh is the stank. When you mention Play-Doh, most adult's eyes roll back in a sort of weird pleasure remembrance. Kinda like their first time. But minus all that emotional baggage. If only Play-Doh tasted as good as it smelled. Ask those same adults about the taste, and it's likely their eyes will roll back in disgust from the taste. Not that the Juice ever tasted it. At least not recently. Alright, I admit it. I tasted in again for the article. Can't a guy hope that they improved the taste? It ain't any better, by the by...

Back to the Pine Scent. Now that the Juice has had some time to consider it, the stank's not so bad. It definitely smells like a Christmas tree. With just a hint of real Play-Doh smell. I gotta tell you that it was weird openin' the can and smellin' Pine. Sort of like openin' a bag of Doritos and smellin' chocolate chip cookies. Not entirely unpleasant. Just unexpected. And unpleasant.

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My only complaint is the size of the container. WTFMFF? It's so dang tiny. How do they expect kids (or the Juice) to make anythin' with the amount of Play-Doh they give you? What a crime. Ok, maybe there are worse things in the world, but next time, I want more smellified Play-Doh.

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One of the local toy stores is sellin' a multi pack of "crazy scented" Play-Doh. The Juice is lookin' to pick this up in the near future. So, be on the look out for another Play-Doh review. You know. Whenever I get a spare second. You people are so dang needy.