Monday, June 13, 2005

You want sour cream or butter with that Potato?

All across Walt Disney World (actually in one location at all the major parks and at Downtown Disney) they’ve got these Make Your Own Magic Mr. Potato Head bars. They also have a My Little Pony bar at Downtown Disney. If you ask anyone above the age of 4 (and male) they’ll tell you that My Little Pony is BOR-RING. But they’re there nonetheless. In any case, these Make Your Own Magic Mr. Potato Head bars are wicked cool! It’s a huge display filled with all sorts of Mr. Potato Head parts. Most are Walt Disney World exclusives! Some of the parts include: Mickey ear glasses, Mickey ear hat, Sorcerer Mickey Hat, Mickey Ice Cream Bar, Mickey Feet, Sandaled feet, Disney name tag, Disney pass, Minnie Ears, Mickey ear balloon, and so on…

What ya do is grab one of the Make Your Own Magic boxes and start fillin' that sucker up. It kinda reminds me of all the dreams I had as a kid of winnin' that mythical prize of 5 minutes in the toy store. You know the one, where you get the toy store to yourself. You take your cart and fill it up with all the toys you can. I always had a few different strategies. But mostly, it went like this: I would head first for the action figure aisle and load up. Then head to the video games (remember this is back in the 80’s when video games weren’t nearly as cool as they are today.) Then head to the bikes. I might, might have picked somethin' up for my sister and brother. But, who am I fuckin' here? Ever have that fantasy? Pax TV even made a show about it called Supermarket Sweep. What a great show…in a really pathetic sort of way. You do all this work for like $500 dollars worth of groceries. But, I digress…

In all your excitement of fillin' your box, don’t be fooled. You don’t have to get the Potato Head. If you’re not an instant gratificator, the trick is NOT to buy the Potato Head. Just fill the box up with parts. You can get a Mr. Potato Head at your local TRU for $5 when you get home. There’s also a side perk to buyin' your Potato Head at home. You don’t have to waste all that precious space in your Make Your Own Magic box on the standard Potato Head parts, either (like the eyes, ears, and arms). You can fill that box with all the exclusive stuff. But, in case you have to get a Potato Head (like the Juice) I still have a few hints to maximize your partage. Load the fucker's ass up with parts (you know the Juice has plenty of loadin' ass comments, but it's best just to let it lie). Just load him up like Ms. Potato Head did to Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story 2. Load him up ‘til he pukes parts. The other tip is that the box doesn’t have to be sealed totally. Only one flap has to be fastened. Nice!!!

At the bars, they also sell “mini” Potato Heads. The Juice didn’t get too far with the minis, but I think all the regular Potato Head parts fit on them as well. The shops also sell extra parts that you have to buy separately. These parts won’t fit into your box. Like a Disney World rain poncho. And a Dumbo base for the Potato Head to sit on. Plus, elsewhere in the parks, certain shops sell little kits for your Potato Head. They’ve got a pirate and a cowboy kit. And a surfer and beach dude kit.

Ya better get all the parts ya want, 'cause Disney won't sell them individually. Oh, the Juice tried. I begged and pleaded like a red headed step child. But those Disney folks can't be persuaded. What ever happened to the customer is always right? I guess when it comes to Tato head parts, Disney is borrowin' a line from the Juice. "Go fuck yourself." And don't even think about ebay. Sure you can buy the parts you want. You'll also be payin' almost the same price for the whole set at Disney. So, do yourself a favor, get 2 boxes. You want regret it. And if you do regret it, tough shit.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbin'

One of the funnest dang toys to come around in a long time has been put out by Hasbro Toys. From the Mr. Potato Head line, I present to you...The Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Tater.

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"kneel before Zod...sorry wrong movie"

The Juice didn’t realize how big a fan I was of the Mr. Potato Head until after I opened Darth Tater and started playin' with him. All of the sudden, I got flashbacks to my childhood. Not the usual horrifyin' flashbacks I usually suffer from. No, this one was different. The Juice was suddenly transported back in time 25 years, playin' with my Mr. Potato Head at grandma’s house. Makin' all sorts of Dali inspired art. Even though I didn’t know how the fuck Dali. Shit, I still don't know who the hell he is. The Juice always hated art history.

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"I'm here to put you BACK on schedule"

The whole concept is fairly fuckin' clever. It's about time Hasbro did somethin' new. Tater comes with the removable Vader helmet, mask, cape, arms, (with undetachable lightsaber. What the fucks that all about? They couldn't make that lightsaber seperate from the hand? Bastards!!!) and boots. He also packed with a few Potato Head standards. Eyes, ears, red nose and teeth. The packagin' is cool. Nice little plastic box with Tater posed in Sith Lord fashion. He's just about beggin' ya to open him and use your “Force” powers to create the craziest Sith lord ever! Maybe he's usin' that Jedi mind trick to make you open the box. So he can go and fuck all your Barbies. And don't even try to deny that you don't have a few of those "collectible" Barbie dolls.

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All together now..."Devalued"

Darth Tater definitely is tough to get. The Juice scored mine at a local TRU months ago. I haven’t seen one at retail since. Which don't make me real happy, because as you can tell, I’ve opened this one. I’d like to get a hold of two more. Why? Am I retarded (my apologies to my handicapped readers)? It's bad enough I partake in this stupid hobby. I gotta buy several? Is that what you're askin' yourself? Well, my answer is two fold. First, go fuck yourself. And two, ya gotta have one unopened (to sell on ebay in a few years. yea...the Juice is gonna retire on this one) and one for the kids. 'Cause if the kids sense a new toy in the house, they want it. And they will mind fuck ya, til you give in.

From what the Juice has read, Hasbro is comin' out with a “SpudTrooper” Mr. Potato Head in November. News like this gives me a bone and pisses me off simultaneously. It’s cool to know that it’s comin' out. But, 6 months from now? Uggghhh. I can’t wait that long. I need my gratifications taken care of now! How the fuck am I gonna make it through the summer and fall months? What if I’m taken out in a freak macaroni salad incident? Then I’ll never know the joy of the Spudtrooper. Or the greater joy of several spudtroopers. Anyway…I’m hopin' the Hasbro has stuffed planned beyond the Trooper. When I find out more, I’ll let you know…eventually.

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Even the Dark Lord must crap

I'll be continuin' my Potato Head theme with my next post. The Juice will be talkin' about the Potato Head bars at Disney World and all the wicked cool parts there. I know. I know. I probably should post it over in my Tales from the Vacation series, but I just don't feel like it. Is that ok with you?