Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Something Smells Really Bad Around Here

Awhile back, the Juice promised a review of scented Play-Doh. Well today I’m here to finally make good. What took me so long? Well the truth is, gettin' a hold of the stuff. It just seemed like a slam dunk. I mean Play-Doh is everyfuckwhere right? Every store’s got the shit. I figured I’d pick it up right as I was ready to review it. I wanted to do a few other articles, then get back to the D’oh. I mean Doh. But then I couldn’t find it. Anywhere. I was beginning to think that maybe I was seein' things. That maybe the stuff didn’t actually exist.

Well, the Juice is here to tell ya that the stuff does exist. And I’m also here to tell ya all about it. Good luck findin' it for yourself, though. If I wasn’t so dedicated to you, I’d probably keep the stuff boxed up and sell it on ebay in a few years. I smell a collector’s item. Nuts to that, though. Your entertainment comes first!

So after all this time, after all this waitin', was it worth it? Will the stuff change the world? Will it make childhood complete again? In a nutshell, NO!

Let me just scream my disappointment to the world. Now I know now why I couldn’t find it anywhere. The shit stinks, literally and figuratively.

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the foul, smelly culprit

I was plenty excited about this whole thing. From the sweet score, to actually diggin' my fingers into those plastic cans. But after the first whiff, my fingers weren’t goin' anywhere near that funked up Play Doh. And believe you me, each can smelled progressively worse than the one before it. By the time I got to the 8th can, I was wishin' I was dead. I mean some of the stuff kinda smelled like what it was suppose to, but in a sick to your stomach sort of way. And some of the smells made absolutely no sense. Here’s what’s list on the box: Rose Garden, Pinemania, Shampoo, and the worst of smellin' of them all Shaving Cream. From here the “flavors” get a bit trippy. We’ve got Explorange (ok, I get it. Orange), Pinktastic (How the hell does Play Doh know what Pink smells like. And if that’s what Pink smells like, I hope to never smell again), Funshine Sunshine (apparently sunshine does have a smell. Who knew it was so bad) and Splurple (I don’t know. I don’t get it).

I took pics of each can, but I don’t know why. The cans aren’t even labeled by stink. Just by color. I think ya should know what you’re stinkin', right? Well, I’m not wastin' the space to show you each can. Believe you me, it ain’t worth it. So, in a nutshell, the Scented Play Doh stinks. And not in a good way, either. Do yourself a favor. DO NOT BUY THIS CRAP! Stink to the lovely scent of regular Play Doh. You’ll thank me for it.

Hopefully by next time I'll have this funk smell out of my nose.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Yes, More Star Wars Toys

Well, the Juice is finally gettin' to the end of it. The end of what? My reviewin' of Star Wars toys. I know it’s gettin' kinda long in the tooth. But, I promise I have only one more Star Wars post after this one. Now, don’t threaten me if I throw in some misc. review of a Star Wars thing every now and again. I’m just sayin' for the time bein' (cue the dramatic music) this is the end of Star Wars. And you know you’re gettin' to the end when you’re talkin' about misc stuff. The "toys" I’m presentin' today are just that, odds and ends. Things that the Juice thought were cool, whether the item was part of a line of not.

To start off with, we’ve got Darth Vader from the Force Battlers line. I’ll be honest with you, this figure was on the verge of being in the Disappointment in Plastic series. I think the main reason it isn’t is that I’ve already “trashed” the 3 3/4 inch line.

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Darth Vader looks cool in the packagin'. But once you get him open, you get that empty feelin' in the pit of you stomach. You know the one. God, I wished I hadn’t opened it. Generally, the figure is cool. Obviously meant for the younger crowd. But, that’s what I’m all about these days. My problem with Vader is his “action”. He’s got the “squeeze my legs, I swing at the waist” action. Any time I get a figure with this feature, it feels very fragile to me. Like his leg is going to pop off. And it usually does, cause I play hard with my toys!

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The Force Battler line has expanded recently. I saw a Clonetrooper and Mace Windu. Mace was ok. The clonetrooper was cool. I may pick him up, as well as, General Grevious from the initial assortment. No, I don't have any pics

Next up is Jedi Mickey. This guy is from the Star Wars weekends down at Disney/MGM Studios at Walt Disney World. No, I didn’t go. I bought this guy on ebay. If you’re into beanie babies or Star Wars or Disney, this guy is for you. He’s wicked cool! My only complaint is that Mickey’s lightsaber is a bit crooked. I guess they couldn’t jam a stick or something in there to keep it solid. Mickey should have looked into Viagra. He’s goin' for about $20 on ebay these days. But, don’t quote me on that. There also a Darth Mickey Beanie. Which sounds fairly cool, but it definitely didn’t look that way to me. Needless to say, I didn’t pick him up. I guess in my Jedi Mickey’s universe, the Sith have been handed there asses. That Jedi Mickey is a bad mamajama!

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Finally, I’ve got this tiny Wookie. I guess its suppose to be Chewbacca, with a really bad hair cut. It’s from Burger King’s Kid’s Meal. I didn’t embarrass myself and actually buy the kid’s meal. Even though I could’ve used any of my kids as a ploy. But, then I’d have to share the toy with him. So, I bought the toy outright. Burger King got smart and offered as part of their value meals the opportunity to buy two otherwise crappy Star Wars toys for some ridiculous price. I could’ve got an action figure at Wal-Mart for the price of these 2 toys, but Burger King hypnotized me. It’s probably somethin' in their delicious hamburgers. Anyway, the Wookie has no real value. And there isn’t much to him. He’s like an oversized marshmallow. But, he’s sooooo cute! I sleep with him every night!

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That’s all I’ve got for toys. Kinda lame, dontcha think? It seems like a poor excuse for a post. That’s the feelin' I’m gettin' from ya. And to be honest, it’s true. I’m a little behind in my picture takin'. What’s a post about toys without pictures of those toys? But, to make up for make lack of substance, I have a bit of news. Back in my Darth Tater post I mentioned that Hasbro was putting out a Spudtrooper Potato Head. Well, hold you hats, I’ve got pics:

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I believe that has them for pre-order. For like $11.99. That’s just crazy. How the heck can they expect you to create a garrison at those prices? I’ll take my chances at Wal-Mart. Who am I kiddin'? I’ve already placed an order for 8 of them!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Toys in Review: Oversized is...Overgreat?!?!

There’s somethin' wrong with the Juice. Ask the missus, she’ll clue ya in. My toy interest seems to be inverse to my age. It’s almost as if I’m regressin' (get it? hence the title of the blog...duh!). The older I get the more I’m interested in toys suited for younger children. I’m almost frightened by the fact that I’ll be playin' with Weebles soon.

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Case in point, the major toy companies have put out what the Juice is callin' an oversized line. I believe this trend started with Fisher Price’s Rescue Heroes. Although those figure are cool (and some of the accessories were downright playable), I never bought any. To me this was truly a “kid’s” toy. But, Toy Biz got into it a few years ago with Spiderman and Friends. Hasbro is now offerin' Star Wars figures in this size called Jedi Force. If Mattel would get off there duffs and offer a line of DC heroes in this size, man that would be truly sweet.

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To be honest with you, I’ve only bought one figure for myself. I swear to the Christ. Good old Vader. Okay, I bought two. I also bought Iceman. All of the other figures pictured below are Jethro's, though. The Juice ain't lyin', either! Sure, I admit I bought them cause I thought they were wicked cool. And if I were Jethro, I sure would want to play with them. But, I didn't buy them for myself. Now, I might have “hidden” a few of them from him because he has a tendency to destroy things, but it’s his figure nonetheless.

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i ain't opening him! so don't ask

To be honest, I’m not as crazy about the Jedi Force figures as I am the Spiderman and Friends line. Vader is wicked cool. But, the rest of the line seemed a bit weak. The initial offerin' was Vader, Chewie C3PO and R2, and Luke. They even came out with an X-wing fighter and Speeder Bike for the Jedi Force line. But, like I said, I wasn’t crazy about the rest of the line to buy anythin' more than Vader. Hasbro had expanded the Jedi Force figures recently. Addin' Anakin, Yoda, Mace and Han. The only figure I’ll be gettin' is Han. Sorry don’t have him yet. You'll be the first to know. If I were you, I'd hold my breath.

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With the Spiderman and Friends there are far too many figures in the line to mention. I can tell you that the line focuses mostly on Spiderman. Which makes the non-Spiderman figures that much better. My favorite of the Spidey figures is Robot Spiderman. When they come out with Spiderman Pimpin'(which I don't doubt, they've come out with every other version of Spidey), I'll be there.

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The other figure that I'm diggin' from the line is the Lizard. Like I said, the non Spidey figures really make the line. There’s Captain America, Wolverine, Cyclops, etc. And just like the “regular” action figure line, the villains are the coolest. There’s Dr. Ock, Rhino and Lizard. And also just like the “regular” action figure line, the villains are short packed, and under stated. But there’s always hope. They’ve got a cool Iron Man figure coming out in the fall. Yes, I am aware that Iron Man isn't a villan, but in my imaginary world he could be. He could be...

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School's In!

Up next: The Weebles are comin'. The Weebles are comin'.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

The Best Cartoon You're Not Watchin'

Have you had enough of Spongebob yet? You’ve probably seen Fairly Odd Parents 50 zillion times . Don’t even tell me you watch All Grown Up. And you’ve probably at least heard of Teen Titans. But the funniest, most entertaining cartoon that you’re not watchin' is Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends.

the crew

So, what makes the show so great? Well, for one, the characters. They’re as bizarre and eccentric as they come. Most of the shows revolve around the two main characters Mac, the boy, and his imaginary friend, Blooregard “Bloo” Q. Kazoo. There’s also a great supporting cast. There’s Wilt, the long red lanky thing who’s namesake scored more woman than points in basketball. There’s Eduardo, the friendly, some-what neurotic Spanish accented monster, who refers to Bloo as Azul (I love that). Then there’s Coco. She's the Wookie of the group. She’s always saying coco, but everyone seems to understand what the fuck she's sayin'. Roundin' out the supportin' cast is Madame Foster herself, the owner of Foster’s. Mr.Herriman, who runs the house (and is also Madame Foster’s imaginary childhood friend), and finally, there’s Francis “Frankie” Foster. Madame Foster’s granddaughter, and caretaker of Foster’s Home.

The animation is pseudo-50's style. It's animated in Macromedia’s Flash, but has the classic hand animation look. The openin' tune is carnival-esque, with a feelin' straight out of vaudeville. I’m tellin' ya, one viewin' and you’ll be hook like the large mouth bass you are. However, I don’t offer a money back guarantee.

The basis of the show revolves around the origin story (obviously). Without givin' the store away, here’s they synopsis: Because Mac and Bloo are perceived as a nuisance to Mac’s mom (and the hard sellin' of that fact by Mac’s funnily stupid older brother) Mac is forced to give up Bloo. Mac brings Bloo to Foster’s to live and visit. House rules state, though, that once an imaginary friend is given up, someone else can adopt them. However, Mac proves himself to Madame Foster and Mr. Herriman. Bloo becomes a permanent member of Fosters that Mac can visit at any time. And they have many wacky adventures together.

There are so many memorable lines and references in the show, it’s impossible to share them all. Most have visual cues that the Juice can’t do justice. However, there are a few that I have to relate. One of my favorites is an exchange between Wilt and Coco. In this particular episode, Bloo catches a cold and loses his color. The house, meanwhile, is amped up from watching horror movies. Wilt, Eduardo and Coco think that Bloo is a ghost. They fearfully chase around the house trying to catch the “ghost”. At one point, Wilt says to Coco (I’m paraphrasin' here) “Who you gonna call?” Coco replies “coco” (as she always does). Wilt replies “they’ve been out of business for years.” Get it? They’re talkin' about Ghostbusters. Don't be so dang stupid!

Another recent show had Bloo concerned with Mac's "nerdiness". So much so he had Mac dress in classic 80's style. Mohawk and all. All the kids laughed at Mac for it. Then there was the show when Bloo and Mac were tapin' video for an ad for Foster’s. They record Mr. Herriman doin' a little dance for Madame Foster. Bloo ends up leakin' it out on the internet. Instantly people are wearin' bunny merchandise, doing the dance, etc.

One of my favorite episodes is the one when Berry, comes to live at Foster’s. She falls in love with Bloo, and is insanely jealous of Mac. And Bloo is so clueless (or is he?), that he calls Berry every name but her own. It’s awesome.

So, that’s the cartoon I know you’re not watchin'. But do me, and yourself a favor. Check it out. The Juice don’t do it justice. It’s on Cartoon Network. New episode are usually on Friday night. However check your local listin's for complete time coverage.

I’ve got an honorable mention to the cartoon you’re not watchin'. It’s The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. This show seriously unsettles me. I don’t know if it disturbs me or makes me laugh more. However, when it does disturb me, the Juice gets a sick feelin' to my stomach. Don’t believe? Watch a few episodes. You’ll see. But don’t just watch a part of one and turn it off. Watch a few episodes. You’ll find yourself strangely laughin' at it. Try it. Everyone else is…